I was working with a client today. Almost as soon as our conversation began, I felt a heavy weighty energy inside my body. Over the years, I have developed an acute awareness of the “flow” of my energy. When I feel a “shift” in my energy that takes me “down”, I pay close attention to what’s going on in and around me in order to identify the trigger for this weighty feeling. I can usually trace the weighty feeling to heavy “negative” thoughts inside of me, or the person I am working with.

I have learned to get curious about the heaviness and ask questions that will reveal the unconscious thoughts that usually drive such feelings. Dark and troublesome thoughts mean us no good. They leave us recycling old arguments. These negative “lower energy” thoughts tend to keep us focused on what’s wrong or what “could go wrong”. Such focus is rarely, if ever, productive.

When we get curious, we can see these thoughts for what they are—energy downers that zap our sense of what’s possible for our lives. Instead of wallowing in what’s wrong, or what could go wrong, our focus would be better spent on what I call “the white space” around the problem—the possibilities that exist right along side the problem. If we put our focus on the white space we can completely transform heavy feelings into power. When I feel scared, I ask myself, “What do I believe about myself, God or the world right now?” If I find a belief that is unhealthy or unproductive, I begin to work with it and turn it into something that feels better… feels “lighter”. For instance if I discover that I am worried about making a mistake or failing, I refocus and turn my worry energy into pictures of success. I can usually get to a “lighter” more empowered space by replacing my negative worry thoughts with hope-filled thoughts about what is possible for my life regardless of the current situation. I recite out loud to myself all that could go right with the same situation. I let my mind play with how even the worse case scenario would benefit me. I get so caught up in winning, one way or the other, that I feel at peace with whatever comes.

Possibility and hope are miracle drugs. They can obliterate negative “downward” thinking and revitalize you with courage. They can even turn the worse set of circumstances into a great adventure. When your energy takes you in a negative direction, think possibility, then act responsibly and expect something good to enter into your life.

Let’s live life triumphantly,
Tina

Like: What must I do to manifest the dreams that live in my heart?

Why do I talk out loud to myself like this? I believer the Universe is always listening—poised to step in to answer our questions and lend a helping hand. When I need an answer, or when I simply want to point my life in a particular direction, I have found the shortest distance between me and the answer is to ask an effective and empowering question out loud (often I will write my question out in my journal as well).

Of course, I don’t do this just to hear myself talk. I give voice to the question in my heart because I BELIEVE that I am/we are connected to a larger cosmic order, and that IT is alive, alert and attentive.

I BELIEVE there is Infinite Intelligence at the core of life…all life.
I BELIEVE IT is not just ALL KNOWING, but that it is, as the scripture says, “… nearer than our breath”.
I BELIEVE that I/we matter in the design of life.

Therefore, I make the assumption that daring to connect with this ALL KNOWING LOVING Intelligence, and daring to seek Its guidance is not crazy, but wise. I have also found it is expedient. I cannot tell you how many times I have been in a desperate hunt for my car keys because I was late, or something; all of a sudden, I remember there’s a far more expedient way to look for the keys and I stop and simply say, “Okay God, please show me where the keys are.” Usually, within minutes I look someplace, or happen to open a drawer, or unconsciously move an item, and my keys are revealed.

This technique for finding stuff is so reliable I now use it for anything and everything.

• “Okay God, what must I do now?”
• “Okay God, how do I let go of this pain or problem?”
• “Okay God, who or what is the best person for me to talk to?”

The beauty in asking an effective and empowering question is that the act of doing so is the first indicator that some part of me/YOU is ready for the very thing I am/you are asking for.

Talking out loud to the Universe/God/Spirit (whatever you called it) is an act of faith. It demonstrates faith—faith that something is listening, faith that I/you matter enough for It to listen and respond, faith that you and on this journey with a reliable partner, faith in the principle of “Ask and it shall be given. Seek and ye shall find. Knock and the door will be opened.” Asking out loud is a great way to have a conversation with God. I wonder what would happen if everyone were to ACTIVELY engage in this technique of asking out loud heartfelt effective and empowering questions.

As you go about your day today, trust that SOMETHING is listening.

Ask a question in a way that the answer will bring value to your life. (Hint: Stay away from why questions. The answer to a “why” question is rarely satisfying.)

In the post I said something like “Can I love myself in the midst of challenge and difficulty.” (BTW, I purposely wrote that sentence without a question mark at the end of it.) The post generated a lot of comments.

From the responses, I realized the heart of my question was missed. Some people thought I was currently faced a challenge that left me in a struggle with my self-esteem. Someone thought I was saying something about my inability to love. As I read the comments I said to myself, “Wow my heartfelt comment was completely misunderstood.”

In the past being misunderstood was a painful experience. I am really happy to say this is no longer the case. This time the confusion allowed me an opportunity to communicate better.

This is what I have learned about the art of communicating: Whenever there is upset or confusion in the communication, it is simply the indicator that essential information is missing and more conversation is needed. Staying in the conversation longer and getting really curious about what the other person is saying, and what they are HEARING, is often the answer.

Haven’t you experienced being in a challenging conversation, going round and round on an issue, feeling frustrated because the other person is not hearing you or getting you? This experience can be so overwhelming it makes you want to cry. At least this scenario use to make me want to cry. But then something is said in the conversation and you realize that during the whole conversation you both have been talking about two different things. The realization that you are on two different pages usually brings a big sigh of relief to everyone. The tightness that had developed in your chest instantly disappears. The hurt of feeling unheard is washed way by clarity.

Often when we do not feel heard or understood the habit for many is to shut down and walk away from the conversation.

This choice is sure to leave you feeling dissatisfied or hurt, and the conversation incomplete. I use to do this all the time. If I was feeling misunderstood I would jump up and leave the room. Feeling seen and understood was so important to me that I would become easily overwhelmed and feel attacked when people didn’t understand me and agree with what I was saying.

Staying the room and in the conversation is a better choice. (Of course I am assuming that you are talking with sane people who are really interested in communicating.)

Today I know that in all those moments when I jumped up and left the room, I eliminated even the hope of being understood or heard. People can’t understand what we do not stay in the conversation long enough to effectively share. Staying in the conversation is an art that few people have mastered. Staying in the conversation means not just being invested in your point of view but also getting curious about the other person’s point of view and being committed enough to the conversation that you “check-in” to make sure that what the other person is hearing is indeed what you are saying, and vice versa.

This is a life tool that has turned being in deep and even difficult conversations a rewarding and often enjoyable experience for me. When you find yourself at an impasse in a conversation and you keep going round and round without getting any where here’s two things you can do:

1. Check-in with yourself first. Silently inside yourself, ask yourself if you really WANT to hear what this person is saying. Ask yourself if it is okay if the two of you see things differently. Ask yourself what about this conversation is challenging or hurtful. What you discover will effect how you continue the conversation.
2. Get really curious. Start “checking-in”. Ask the other person to tell you, in their own words, what they have heard you are say. You will be surprised that often what we say and what someone hears is different. This happens as a matter of course between us humans. The only way to avoid this common pitfall is to get curious and “check-in”. When we enter a conversation curious and interesting in the other person–willing to hear and understand their point of view—we practice the art of communication. When we don’t we practice the art of miscommunication.

Let’s live life triumphantly,
Tina

If the previous blog left you wondering what I really meant when I posted the statement, “Can I love myself and God through any kind of difficulty! “

Here’s what I meant:

My “Can I” is not a question of doubt. It is a committed statement that guides me deeper, and helps me navigate life more consciously. When I meet a stopping point, whether internally or externally,

I ask:

• Can I love myself beyond where I am and what I know, today!
• Can I experience myself as bigger than my current circumstances!
• Can I know and experience life and God beyond this moment!
• Can I know and love myself beyond who I think I am today! The answer is always “YES!”

I use the statement to usher me beyond unconscious limits. As for the question of how I am with love, I use my relationship with my family (and my dogs) as a guide to loving. (I happen to have a good relationship with my family.

If I didn’t have a good family relationship, I would substitute the best relationship present in my life for the following practice.): In my exchange with my family I feel completely open–no walls or stopping points, no need to protect myself.

I trust. I accept. I assume the best. I wish them well. I feel sort-of one with them.

I use my family love to guide me in my loving with other people and things. When I find myself in judgment or competition or taking a harsh “me vs. them/him/her/it” stance, I know I am not in the energy of love–because these are not feelings that I experience with my family. It is in this way that I turn loving into a practice. I allow myself to practice feeling with others the kind of non-judgmental acceptance I feel with my family.

BTW, the love I experience with my dogs has made me more loving as a partner. And speaking of dogs, I must go. It is time for their hike. Taking them to the mountain on a regular basis is an experience of love. I love BEING on the mountain. They love the hike.

Let’s live life triumphantly,
Tina

We come into this world with a team of help, starting with parents, doctors, machines built by people and medicines researched by people and developed by systems of people called assembly lines and corporations.

We take our first step usually as a result of days or weeks of coaching by people excited for our new journey.

We fall down and get up more often than not in the company of others. Sometimes the company we keep is happy to see us fall, and maybe they hope we do not get up. Should such selfishness actually be the case, there’s always family or friends there to help; or there’s a perfect Sunday sermon when the preacher is speaking directly to you, or there’s a good book (my favorite) written by a person who understands you and knows what you are going through (because they taken their own journey down your same road). All these people, standby ready to help you when you need it.

The valedictorian who studied late at night while friends went to parties–or while others even had friends and she or he seemingly didn’t–their success is supported by the teachers who appreciated and cultivated their brilliance; parents who supported by either giving expert parental support, expecting too much, or by being absent. Parents who “abandon” us leave us to the care of others: gangs, therapists, marriages, and again books. So, we never travel even the hardest roads alone.

Every success, every misstep, every possibility is linked to OTHERS. Ask Michael Jordan, Barbara Streisand, Tiger Woods, Oprah Winfrey, Nelson Mandela, Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson, Madonna, every King and Queen, Jesus, Buddha, Job. Each and every moment in this life is held in the lap of more than just you!

Then why do we humans so often think in terms of doing/going “it” alone, by our self, without help, independently, solo…? There is no such thing, yet we convince our self we were left out, unimportant, or not cared for.

This is just not true.

LIFE loves us. That is why it is designed so that we are never alone on the journey.

Alone is a lie we have come to believe that dulls the brilliance of the TRUTH:

We are ONE…in this l ife together…inseparable…ALL connected…one servicing the other.

Seems to me if you really want to create an extraordinary life the prudent step is to recognize all the help that is innately weaved into your life right now, then actively find a mentor, a tribe who “gets” you, and a coach who can help you get YOU.

There’s the saying that says we die alone. Don’t believe it. When my father died we were all standing around his bed. There was a final flutter of his eyes and the peace that spread across his face at the end that leads me to believe the stories about the white light and souls standing in wait on the other side. Get over it your self and enjoy the bounty of community and support that surrounds you at every turn.

Let’s live life triumphantly.
Tina

P.S. The next time you go into the bathroom and think you are by yourself, think of all the people crowded in that experience with you to make it better—the landowner, tile guy, electrician, vanity manufacturer, painter, flooring expert, fixtures guy and the people responsible for the toilet paper…then make sure you flush, cause you are never alone!

Question: I was wondering if you had any tips or words of wisdom you could pass down to me?

Kick starting an acting career is much like developing your magic skills–the mind is your greatest ally or detractor. I thank God for my talent, AND talent is NOT the most important thing (in my estimation).

The difference between living the life you desire and not living the life you desire, lies in your ability to want it, feel it is possible, and then be relentless in your efforts to attain the dream–all the while letting “something” that you can’t see or control assist you, and making sure you do your part in becoming the person you need to be to manifest the things you want.

For instance, if your desire is to be an actor then your part is to:

1. want it deeply
2. study
3. expose your talent as often as possible in arenas that can support your dream
4. self-explore and discover—be honest with yourself about your fears, get really good at seeing your doubt and how it might sabotage you, and engage a coach or enroll in training classes that help you sort through, thin out and dissolve the crap that gets in your way.

Ask yourself the question, “What must I do to be ready for my greatest success?”

“Something” is activated when you sincerely ask effective open-ended questions.

Let that “something” lead.

The “something” I speak of can only be seen and verified by each of us individually. I see IT assisting me when a piece of information comes my way that answers a need I have; or, when I tire of looking for my keys and stand in the middle of the room and ask out loud, “Please show me where my keys are;” or, when out of the blue something serendipitous happens in my favor.

One of my favorite stories regarding serendipity: I went on an audition for a movie titled “Paris Trout”. I liked the character a lot, and of course wanted the role. At the time I was performing the maid’s role in “Miss Julie” at the Odyssey Theatre, here in L.A. When I walked into the waiting room for the “Paris Trout” audition, the LA Times Calendar section was on the coffee table. It had been separated from the rest of the paper.

My picture and a review of the show were prominently visible. The Calendar section was folded open to page 6…the page with my review. When I walked into the room to actually audition everyone had seen the review. I got the job. That’s the “something” I refer to. You can’t control “something,” but “something” does support the feelings and ideas that we passionately let live inside of us.

I hope this does not sound like gobble-de-goop! This is my firm believe as to the first part of manifesting dreams.

Next is exposing your talent. Get seen. Casting people have to know you exist. I can’t tell you how to do that these days. (I am at a different stage in my career.) Start asking around, get really curious about, “how to meet casting people” and then let that same “something” assist you serendipitously. Go to the Samuel French actors bookstore and ask questions about workshops and how to get seen by casting directors.

I factor serendipity into all my plans. All my dreams are way too big for me to accomplish on my own. So I have learned to “ask for” and “expect” support from the Great mind of life.

Let’s live life triumphantly,
Tina

You were GREAT today! – D. Yudis, HR Director
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Your presentation (if I dare call it that) completely mirrored how I try to live my life. I found your perspective motivational, Spirtual and inspiring. – L. Carness HR
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I am enthralled with your CD. I listen to it twice a day. It brings me joy. – B. Goetz
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I have greater FREEDOM. Thank You – J. Cason, Educator
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I’ve discovered the missing link in all the work I have done on myself by working with Tina’s clear and supportive teaching Patter Interruption. I feel like I can stop searching now. – D. Stewart, Sales
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For the first time in forty-seven years I really understand why I act and think and do and say and behave the way I do. Thank You. – D. Marko, Producer
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You are truly a mesmerizing woman, with such an amazing gift to help others see what’s true. You’ve got me thinking. Thanks. – T. Wile, Sales